Ancient Utterings by Persons Long Dead to Other Deceased Individuals, Part 1b

2-6-2006        Monday

     I'm setting an example for you!  Journaling is cool. ^_^  I want you to fill these pages with anything and everything - thoughts, quotes, verses, memories, longings, poems, songs, stories...

     If you don't have time, just write down one or two sentences!  Write about how He's blessing you, how He's changing you.  Write about our story.  Write about praises and prayers, 记忆和回忆...

     18... gosh how exciting!!!

     There is so much that I want to say here.  So much so that nothing ends up coming out!  I guess I'm just silly like that. :)

     Actually, nothing really needs to be said either.  I'm sure we'll cover everything today.  If not, we will do it sometime later.  We'll have a lot of time too, maybe even all the time there is.  If that's the case, I'm sure I'll be able to think of ways to phrase what I want you to know.

     Hurting one another is inevitable at this point in our unique friendship.  Someday, maybe in a small way, I will unintentionally hurt you, of, if I'm in a weird mood, it could be intentional... if I forget to say it later, I'm so sorry.  Girls hurt boys, we all know.  Write about it.  Give it to Jesus.  Give me another chance.

     Thank you for everything.  I don't know how to describe what you really mean to me.  I'm not as good with words as you are.  But I can show you. :)

Life isn't easy.

             Friendships may die.

      But I believe.

                     I believe.

        因为我们有爱情.  <3<3

     Happy birthday buddy.  Best of luck in the future.  A lot of people love you.  A lot of people are praying for you.  Stay strong and stay cool!

God bless,

W

(Oh, and you'd better use this!!!)

^_^

Ancient Utterings by Persons Long Dead to Other Deceased Individuals, Part 1a

(Written onto said CD).

Hey Ezra this is your girl W, presenting you with a CD mix with much love! I hope you like it and think of me when you listen to these songs, even if it's like at some totally random place, like some store - which is unlikely because you never shop, and those songs are all sappy slow jams ^_^

听一听,笑一笑 Enjoy!
--

I can't seem to get away from my past, so I might as well get it all out.

Why I Don't Blog Anymore

I realize why I don't blog anymore. It's because, on some level, I am aware of just how self-absorbed I am, and blogging reveals to the world my true nature. I cannot bear to show people a quality I myself despise, for hypocrisy I despise even more.

How Much Earth?

At the end of my favorite drama, which I have probably watched 5+ times, the main character asks Ghenghis Khan, "How much earth will you take up when you die?" Ghenghis Khan gestures out a piece of ground no more than a few square feet in size. "Then for what reason have you built this empire?"

I do often wonder about my potential paths in life. Whether my life might include the nicer things in life, which I find difficult to part with. I love eating out. I would love to support my favorite artists by buying their music more often. I actually enjoy shoe-shopping. Ice cream. Beer. A cigarette, every now and then, even. More than any other tangible thing, a stable and genuine romantic relationship.

None of these things are "bad," per se. But all of these things require money, to some degree, at least as I have experienced them in my upper-middle class existence. Would I truly be content with being poor, with living a penny-pinching life? Would I truly be at peace with sharing the sorrows of the oppressed and downtrodden, with a life of ministering to them? I know that this is what it means to be a Christian. What I do unto the least of these, I do unto God Himself. This is eternal life: to know Christ. To know Him, know His heart for the world. Not just the upper crust of society that receives so many blessings, but the lowly as well, whom He loves dearly.

Logically, no reason stands against the latter, but my flesh screams for the former.

What I'd say at a funeral (from an old poem I wrote)

Your eyes flutter - not open, but closed - as you try to blink back the tears, but give up. You cry for another beautiful pair that could not close themselves for the last time. But let dry your eyes for the singular hope that there is a heavenly realm, and let soar your heart for that beautiful pair that elsewhere has opened, better and brighter than ever before. Lift up your chin, that your face might catch the sun that rises on this morning - a morning made for those in mourning.