Congratulations

Congratulations, from me to all you friends of mine, for having finished this leg of your journey. I yell from a vast distance behind you, hoping my words will be carried on the wind, through your ears, and into your hearts - so that your legs are strengthened for the journey ahead.

Yet half of me hopes you won't hear this, because I don't want you to look back over your shoulders. You would see me in a shameful state, unable to be fully happy for all of you because of the selfish me that sees in you what I could have been.

At the same time, it makes my congratulations all the more significant, in light of the fact that I wouldn't have offered them at all, some time ago. Where before there was no room in my heart for any of you, there is now some.

I'm sorry that I am so selfish. I don't mean to make this about me. I'm sorry that I've been unable to look past my own circumstances to take joy in your successes. I'll come around completely, eventually - I promise. But for now, I entreat you to accept this pittance of praise. Once again, congratulations, Class of 2010.

La Mia Preghiera

Vengo di nuovo per la tua grazia. Cambi la mia mente. Mi mostri la tossicità del mio peccato, così odio il mio peccato. Come Lei odii il mio peccato, voglio odiare il mio peccato.

Io sono come Jacob

Lotto con e contro Dio. Lotto con Dio contro me stesso - lo stesso che lotta contro Dio. Anche come Jacob, voglio Dio mi benedice. Lotto al fino di mostrare Dio questo: voglio le cose Lui dare.

On My Thinning Friendships

As I become more uniquely myself, I naturally become palatable to fewer people. Not everyone can see how awesome I am, but whether that's because they can't see the awesomeness that is there or because they can't see an awesomeness that isn't there - that is up to me.

Why Atheism is like Sucking Balls

If I had found atheism to provide the purpose I need to keep drawing breath, I would gladly have followed it. But all I see in it is nihilism. Without a god or an afterlife, there is no reason for taking any one option in life over another, because there ultimately is no consequence. Our choices are meaningless, we're just to mindlessly fuck and die. Any value system devised by humans (read: morality) from which individuals derive worth is arbitrary and a farce.