Lent

We have arrived to Lent.  In fact, I am late for it.  Not just by a day, but my entire life.

Why I hate birthdays

It's the same reason why Christmas and Easter are silly. Each day we, as Christians, should appreciate God-with-us (Christ's birth), sacrifice (death), and victory (resurrection). To a lesser extent, we should acknowledge and appreciate peoples' existence more often than once in a blue moon. We as Christians understand the true significances of those holidays because we know Him, appreciate what He means to us. Likewise, those of us who claim to be friends to one another should appreciate the entirety of the lives of one another. In a way, birthdays are like summaries - they don't do justice to the processes we've undergone and witnessed each other undergo to get to this point.

I'll be the first to say that I fail pretty hard at what I just talked about. At least, I want desperately to believe just that, believe that I haven't tried hard enough. Because it means I can at least blame my lack of close friends on myself - instead of being left with the conclusion that I really am just the odd one out, and not of my own volition.

And it all comes back to that. Why do I want other people to recognize my value? Why do I want to recognize the value of others? Why do I want others to appreciate my recognition of their value, and to appreciate others' recognition of mine?

The same reason blacks fought and continue to fight for equality. Why did they need human laws to acknowledge the worth they knew was inherent to them based on their belief in Scripture? The same reason we went and continue to go and make disciples of all nations. Why must we proclaim the Kingship of Christ that is made so evident in the Bible? Because heavenly wisdom should be good for earthly change, to make right what isn't. Repeating a truth doesn't make it any more or less true, but until we live it out, truth in a book stays in a book, no matter how true it is. Effectively, not absolutely, we make truths true by our actions.

Aight, ima lay it out for you

I often forget to charge my phone. I don't even know where it is right now. But nobody ever calls me, so I actually don't even need to charge it or know where it is.

My best friend, on most days, is the fucking sandwich in my hand. It doesn't fail to tell me what's up, whether it be turkey or ham with a spread of goat cheese on whole wheat. I show my appreciation by taking a huge bite out of it. This is love.

A volte, scrivo in italiano. È un'altra metafora per la nostra distanza. Sento come, anche in inglese, non sono capito.

Satano sussurra nel mio orecchio,

Solo uno, solo uno... uno non sarebbe così male.

It's rough on my soul to be here in Naperville. But it's not like anywhere else is really better. I felt the same thing down at Urbana a year ago. I feel, in this regard, like John the Baptist. Like John, I must lay down my most basic wants, for they are insignificant in the face of eternity. One companion, one best friend. I can't have it if I idolize it. Just how real is God to me, if He isn't my everything? One day, my heart will finally be in the right place and God will provide, then.

Solo credo l'amore è così molto più che un sentimento. L'amore è avente la volontà a sacrificare il mio tutto. Sacrificando un "tutto" io non possiedo non è possibile. Dio deve divento il mio tutto.

La Luce dell'Amore

Non capisco come ancoro respirare, esattamente come non capisco la grazia di Dio. Non conosco come dire questo ma che la solitudine corrode un buco in me. Questa solitudine da forme al amore non possiedo. Se la solitudine è un buco in me, l'amore è la macchia luminosa nella mia ombra. La luce di Cristo traspare il buco in me, e definisce un amore capisco. Questa è la mia vita, l'atto di equilibrando la speranza e la disperazione.